I don’t have any art to post this week.
My feelings of incompetence or overwhelm don’t confine themselves to housework, homeschool and parenting. Right now, they are focusing on my art. I have very few ideas, and when I do get one, I try to execute it and hate the result. I don’t feel motivated to do anything, because I know I will hate whatever I do.
I know from experience this won’t last forever. It comes and goes according to my energy levels and whatever is going on in other parts of my life. Creativity requires energy, but if I’m using that energy somewhere else right now, I can’t expect too much.
A lot of my energy right now is going into reducing my time on devices so I can be present in my life. It’s a worthy cause, but it is taking up a lot of brain space. And let me tell you, Facebook addiction is a real thing! I’ll talk more about it in a future post.
I’m also trying to get to bed before 11pm so I will have energy and a better general mood. I haven’t achieved it yet, but it’s a goal. Once I’m getting enough sleep, my creativity levels will increase, too.
Having a very limited supply of energy is something I have dealt with all my life. I hate it, because I would love to be the kind of person who can GET IT DONE…who is cheerful and positive…who is playful and fun. What I’m saying is I wish I were someone else–for the benefit of the people around me, and for my own happiness.
But God made me this person, for the benefit of those around me, and even for my own happiness. When I get to Heaven, and all things are made right and the Curse is lifted, I will still be me, with all the sinful parts removed. I suspect that means that I will still have low energy, only I will see the beauty and the purpose behind it.
So I try to take it on faith that God had a plan when He made me like this, and that He has a purpose for it right now. I try to accept His grace when I feel like I’m really screwing up, remembering that He is not surprised by it. I (try to) submit to God’s pruning and leadership and let Him change what needs changed. I try to manage my energy to the best advantage so that I can accomplish the things He has called me to do, with grace and kindness. (That last part is the sticking point for me.)
What parts of your temperament or personality drive you crazy? What do you do to manage them?