I have a few ideas going that I am hoping will work out. Trouble is, I feel like they depend on my energy and commitment to happen. I call them my fragile hopes. I hope they will work out, but I am afraid they will pop like little bubbles.
Take this blog, for instance. I have started strong and am doing well…for now. But let me tell you, it is always a late rush getting posts written. On a good day, I can crank one out at 10pm for the next day. But on a bad day, I don’t feel like I have anything worthwhile to say, and feel like I am not very worthwhile myself. (Man, this vulnerability stuff is hard sometimes.)
Or take going to bed early. I am trying to start a new habit of being in bed before 11pm. Great idea, wonderful results, but can I keep it up? Or will it end up littering the sidelines of my life, like so many other good ideas?
Another habit I want to start is having breakfast with the kids this year. I want to start our day off together and make sure they eat something to get them through the morning. Wonderful idea. I hope I can make it work.
Are you starting to get the idea? I am GREAT at coming up with good ideas and things that will revolutionize my life if I stick to them. But there’s the rub. I don’t stick to them…or they don’t stick to me. I can’t even remember all the great ideas I’ve had in my lifetime. Some I have pursued: selling my art at festivals (Although, to be fair, that one didn’t keep going because I got pregnant. It’s on hold, really. I hope.); starting a blog (we’re on week 4, I think. Not too bad!); chores for the kids (*exhausted sigh*); daily Bible study (that one is up and down); a bullet journal; writing letters to friends (remember that one, girls?). Others I gave up on as unrealistic or bad timing.
But any time I have a new idea, it feels great! I’m excited to pursue it! I can’t wait to get started! I can’t think about anything else. And I start moving forward with it and eventually I fizzle out. And it becomes another dead idea on the side of the road, quickly forgotten.
There have been some things I stuck with, and those were the ideas God gave me. Picking up art again after years of not doing it. Chores for the kids (*sigh*). Starting this blog (well, I hope). Homeschooling. The big ones. I’m sure there are small ones, too, that I don’t remember. But they would have to be something God initiated in order to stick, because I am terrible at follow-through on my own.
But I’m never sure up front which is which. It’s only in the results that I can tell the difference. And the energy for the follow-through. So I guess I’ll just have to keep working on my fragile hopes until some of them become solid realities. And trust God to sort it all out.
How do you tell the difference between your ideas and God’s ideas? Do you get excited over new projects and then lose interest or momentum? Or is it just me?